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Ever so nearly fell off the wagon this weekend! I definitely made some bad choices, but I have four full days to make up for it now. I'm going to make ome-made zero-point soup I think. It will work like a jem and is a good way if of getting my veggies in. I am determined to lose this week. I really am still learning about how to overcome my weaknesses with food. It's crazy how not in control I am right now, but I'll get there.
So I left my teaching job. I know this might sound shocking as I absolutely loved teaching those kids singing and drama, but good lord I could not handle how unproffessional and immature te managment were being. Imagine checking up on your staff on Facebook? Imagine texting your employees MOTHER (yes he text my mother, you heard me) tryign to catch them out when they call in sick ONCE. It was rediculous. Funny thing was, I genuinely was sick. I still am kinda, this cough is just not going anywhere. But the whole process was so ridiculousl juvenile, and bithc, and un-professional, and they made me feel like absolute shit all week. I was completely dreading work on Sunday, so on Friday I just completely broke down and knew I needed to do something. I was absolutely terrified of the confrontation. Having spoken to my mam, and her fiance, and Peter, I knew what I needed to do. I don't want to work for a place that makes me feel like that. It's not worth €52 a week. To add to that, they never had a positive thing to say about me. I mean, I am a damn good teacher. My classes were always well planned out and thoughtful and the kids learned and had great fun. But they never even once came in to my class, or asked how it was, or said anything positive. Instead they just said negative things about superficial stuff regarding my clothes, or the fact that you could see the size tag on my scarf. Wtf? She said "we don't liek to see tags Tracey". You know what the funny thing is? It was because the tag said "penneys" (which is an amazing discount store here in Ireland/UK) and not something like "Juicy Couture" or the expensive crap a lot of them wear. I was beginning to feel damn miserable, and you know what? I am really proud of my decision. I know some people might think it was the cowards way out (I emailed them a huge long letter stating my case, and being very proeffesional about my resignation, though also being brutally honest about how bad thr managment is and how awful they made me feel) but that really was the only option for me. A face to face confrontation would never have worked for me because I am SO intimidated by them (even ona "normal" day) and would have never ever ever said those things to their face. I would have been more likely to cry and back down and probably be convinced to stay and felt worse. So, really, this was the right decision. I said all I needed to say, but I did not stoop down to their childish level. i was professional and classy, and I am proud of myself for this. It was only a part-time job anyway. If this were a problem relating to my professional career in a couple of years then I would certainly go about it differently. I will never look for a reference from these, the job had no bearing on my career, and it will have no great consequence. I just feel I need to justify my actions in this specific circumstance, because it was a very difficult situation. Now I need to make sure that they pay me what I am owed, I need to figure that out today!
I am so excited about Footloose. I am thrilled I got a lead, but the genera feeling about the musical isn't great at the moment because all of my musical friends got in to the Chorus excepy my very best friend Caoimhe, who is absolutely amazing. I am devastated for her and she spent an hour crying down the phone to me. Literally all of the girls got in, except her. She is amazing, and deserved to be in it, and I just don't know how I feel about it now. Musicals in college always were "our" thing. last year we did RENT together twice, and I have no idea what this will feel like. What will she do? We'll all be rehearsing together, going on cast nights-out, doing the show together, and she won't be involved. I feel sick when I think about it.
I met some of Peter's family last night. I met his two uncles and two aunts. One was over from Canada and the family are quite negative towards him as he hasn't kept in much contact. It was a fun night because they seemed to really like me and his auntie said "you're lovely Tracey, you are exactly what peter needs". I thought that was funny. He came back and stayed with me last night again. He is so lovely.
I am feeling a biy insecure today though... We were talking about our respective X's and it just had a bad affect on me. I really wish I wasn't so damn insecure. It drives me insane! It was because the "good times" were mentioned, and she is really pretty and think and all of that came rushing to my head and today I feel shit about it. I hoep it just goes away. I have no experience of this feeling as Conor was my first BF and I was his first GF so we had no romantic past to have issues with. Any advice? It's not a nice feeling.
My Goals For Today :
- Get this philosophy essay done and dusted. It was due on Friday, so email lectuer explaining my case.
- make vegetable soup/eat healthily.
- make a to-do list for the week
- work out what the company owe me in payment and email them about it.
<3
Current Location: living room
Current Mood: 
thoughtful
thoughtful